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writer_tbfc
17 February 2009 @ 12:10 pm

                        Lucky Jim:

            While Jim Dixon is known for going through the motions and getting through life by the skin of his teeth, he is a perpetually unhappy man that does not know how to please himself, only other people. Although he has been deemed a “scholarship” boy and has grown up in the education system, he has not succeeded in learning how to live life properly- he has a job which he functions at (although constantly wonders if he’ll be fired), a woman that he casually dates, but does not truly love, and frequents the pub too often. Jim relies on luck rather than skill, throughout most of the novel. It is only through the use of one person, Christine Callaghan, in which he learns how to be true to himself and find his passions, abandoning his laconic lifestyle which he relies so heavily on.

            Jim is a professor at the local University, a job in which he does willingly but secretly detests, doing things such as writing his thesis, just to pretend he is knowledgeable in the subject matter he teaches, (which is Medieval Literature). In his encounters with a student, Michie, and Michie’s incessant questioning about one of Jim’s future classes, it is increasingly obvious Jim’s passions do not lie within the teaching sphere, and that he is incredibly unhappy but unwilling to change.

 Jim is socially awkward, proving that, on numerous occasions, has no idea how to function in a group. This is shown cleverly through the use of Professor Welsch and the excursion at his house, where Jim finds himself compulsively lying, stating that he “could read music after a fashion,” (38), while really cannot read music at all, and once again, uses luck an excuse in order to avoid the dire consequences that can come from not telling the truth. He is miserable the whole time at the Welch’s, and uses ‘the bottle’ as a chance to escape. Rather than finding a rational way of getting out, he[d] “taken a bottle of port from among the sherry, beer, and cider which filled half a shelf inside.” (59), and that “the bottle had been about three-quarters full when he started, and was three quarters empty when he stopped.” (59).  The way Jim drinks his alcohol represents that of the way he lives his life, stating “some of the liquor coursed refreshingly down his chin and under his shirt collar.” (59). Jim is a sloppy man, who is content with going through the motions and displays a lack of common knowledge in his dealings with what is appropriate or not.

            Jim’s love life is no different from that of his other life- he finds the comfort and stability of staying with Margaret, someone he does not love but feels obliged to take care of, since Margaret herself is not stable. He finds himself being bossed around by her, and she does nothing but expect things from him, for example, stating, “Buy me a beer. The night is young.” (20), in which he does. Margaret is a manipulative person, and like Jim, seemingly depressed. However, she exaggerates her emotions to make him feel sorry for her, and confuses Jim in the process as to what her emotions are. When Jim describes Margaret as having a breakdown, he doesn’t know “whether she was fainting, or having a fit of hysterics, or simply breaking down and crying.” (159.) This in itself seems to be normal, but when Margaret begins having “series of high-pitched, inward screams which alternat[ed] with deep moans,” (159), he is flummoxed and begins to question why he is with her, stating an obvious change within him.

            When Jim is introduced to Christine, he is awed by her looks, and later, her personality. She represents a youthfulness he has not experienced with Margaret, and encourages him to be adventurous, something Jim is oblivious to. When she finds out about the bed sheet incident, she immediately starts devising a plan, wanting to help him out of his predicament, stating they “can put the blanket that’s only scorched on top; it’ll probably be all right on the side that’s underneath now,” (72), and reassuring Jim, “they probably won’t connect it with smoking.” (72). She seems eager to teach him how to live vicariously, and is one of the only people he opens up with. In turn, she sees him and who he is more than any other character in the novel. The first time we Jim laugh is with Christine, and he laughs “not only because he was amused but because he felt grateful to her for her laughter.” (73). Her persona is genuine and not forced, like Margaret’s is.

            Christine changes the way Jim feels about his life, as he feels an excitement and unpredictability that he has never felt before. He now finds it an adventure to call up her boyfriend, Bertrand, and pretend to be a reporter from the “Evening Post (98), in order to gain more information from him. Rather than feel guilty and anxious about this prank, he laughs and thinks “what a story for Beesley and Atkinson this was going to make.” (100)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 
 
writer_tbfc
27 March 2008 @ 02:19 pm

Ahh... *sigh of relief* Two more weeks. I am so "schooled out" right now it's not even funny. Sure, I'll miss my friends, but I'll still see them. I've never really expierenced it this badly before. It's like I'm a bit burnt out. Gah. Woe. A semester off will be so nice, and then I'll be all rejuvinated again. Yay me :)

So stoked for PEI. I can't wait !!! :)

 
 
Current Mood: tired
 
 
writer_tbfc
25 March 2008 @ 01:20 pm
Disclaimer: I know most of my entries are kinda sad/nostalgic, but I have good reason! Kelly Clarkson once wrote "I write about the painful things because when I'm happy, I'm living it, not writing it down." I completely agree. Most of my life is so good, but the way I deal with things, especially hard things is to write.  So, there you go. And please read on :)
**

It's funny how certain things can evoke memories. Quickly it happens, and sometimes without rhyme or reason. We drove by one of our old houses yesterday. Our farmhouse. Our yellow, huge farmhouse which we affectionately renovated and called our own. It was a good house. But it also made it even more special because we escaped to that house from my mom's husband (now ex)-- my ex stepfather.  Escaped sounds so harsh, but moved away sounds like I'm lessening the situation. Escape it was.  It got me thinking to that day, which was odd in itself because I've moved past it, or thought I had. I hadn't thought about "The Day" much before.. only a handful of times.

It was a day in Grade 11, and my mind was wandering, especially in French class for which I was usually very attentive. This day had been planned out, calculated for months, but still that didn't stop the fluttering in my  stomach, of stop the immense dread of the task that was at hand, which I wanted to happen. I was just worried what the backlash could be if he found out.

I got through the day, and met my mom at the library, who came to pick my brother and I up. The car was packed so we squeezed in to drop some belongings up at our new home. I kept looking at the window; the margin of error was  s very slight. He would come home at 4:30. I can remembering thinking about him coming to an empty house, with nothing. I wondered how I would react if something like that were to happen to me. But I knew, plain and simple, he deserved it. I would never feel sorry for him. It was 3:30, and we were just finishing up. An hour of leeway time wasn't much, but I hated to worry. I always worried.

Long story short, we managed, and he didn't find out. But a few months later, he returned for a few months, a time I'm not happy to relive at the moment. It just got me thinking, especially talking with a friend, drudging up unwanted memories, and having them sneak up on you when you don't want them to. But in the grander scheme of things, it's funny how after moving so much, so many different stories are remembered. Good stories. Funny stories. Sad stories. And necessary lessons to be learned as a result of many different expierences.
 
 
Current Mood: okay
 
 
writer_tbfc
20 March 2008 @ 11:01 pm
A few weeks ago, I lost a friend. And I don't mean lost as in passed away, I meant lost as in "he didn't want to be friends anymore."
We had drifted since we had graduated from high school, but I didn't think it mattered that much. I had mistaken that things would be totally different. With his new relationship, he didn't have time for me anymore, and I felt left out.

But I had noticed that we weren't speaking as much, and he didn't invite me to his birthday party, so I asked him. And his response was "I don't think rekindling our friendship would work," and basically insinuated that he didn't want to be friends anymore.

A girl in my screenwriting class wrote a screenplay similar to this idea.. a girl and her best friend who take a road trip to try and rekindle their relationship. It all came flooding back to me, and much it hurts like hell.

And I miss him. Six years of friendship down the drain. Six years! How can you tell someone that it's too late? Maybe it is. But maybe there was a better way of telling me. And maybe he could have tried harder.
 
 
Current Mood: gloomy
 
 
writer_tbfc
18 March 2008 @ 03:02 pm
                                                                                  Friendships


If there's one thing I've learned this year, it's how valuable friendships are, and how elaborate gestures really aren't needed. It could be as simple as a friend kissing you hello on the cheek, or a friend listening patiently as you cry over stupid school marks. Of hanging out in the school cafeteria. An unexpected email from a friend. A hug. Or as simple as having a movie night and popcorn. Elaborance isn't needed, and is something irrelevant to friendships. I remind myself of that every chance I get. So, to my friends, thank you, and I love you.
 
 
Current Mood: cheerful
 
 
writer_tbfc
16 March 2008 @ 11:53 am
So yesterday I went to see two amazing plays that a few of my old classmates were in. This isn't what this entry is about, but they were fabulous and I had an amazing time. Anyways, slightly related to this- I invited my ex stepsister to the plays. Now this is a sore spot. I haven't actually seen her (as in talked, hung out) in four years... when my Mom and my ex stepdad broke up. That was an ugly marriage. He was abusive, and bi-polar, and she lived with it for seven years before we got away. It was really hard. But he had two daughters who I was crazy about-- they were my little sisters, and although they were slightly moody, I really and truly loved them.

It all went to hell and a handbasket when they broke up, although I'm so glad they did. The sisters turned their backs on me, and I recently got in touch with them through facebook. Anyways, I invited the younger one to see the plays, and she bailed. The thing is, I knew she would. And it's driving me crazy because I always see the positive in people. I care too much, and I always, always, get too attached. How do I stop it? Should I stop it?

I love to love people, but I, in turn, need to be loved too. Does that make sense?
 
 
Current Mood: contemplative
 
 
writer_tbfc
14 March 2008 @ 12:36 am
We were shown a timeline of major issues in the 1800's. When I came across this one, I was shocked.

"A judge upholds a man's right to lock up his wife and beat her in moderation."- 1840.

That floored me. It made me want to cry. Who would willingly allow abuse to happen? And to make it LEGAL?

And looking in the present day, progress has been made, but not nearly enough. It's illegal to be the cause of domestic violence, but that doesn't stop people. And it's so hard in society nowadays to be a single parent--wow. Women have definately had a rough go of it, and continue to do so. (Im not a hardcore feminist, but feel that there is most definately a burden on women).


..on a lighter note.. Paris Hilton has a television show on now to find a new BFF? Seriously. Wow, that's beyond desperate.
 
 
Current Mood: sleepy
 
 
writer_tbfc
11 March 2008 @ 05:23 pm

I saw Mason today- a friend I haven't seen since elementary school. When I first saw him, his looks had changed, but his demeanor hadn't.  He gave me a hug hello:)
It's been ten years since we had seen eachother.. but over coffee, we sat and caught up with one another's lives.. talking about everything. Friends, family, school, hobbies.. it was nice. Both of us have kept in contact with a few people from our elementary class. 

We got to talking about who we've kept in contact with, and Mason asked me, "Do you still remember Chris Gronning?"

Chris Gronning. The older brother of Richard. The guy who I had the hugest crush on in Grade 4. Yes, I remembered Chris all too well. The memory brought me back to a weekend, in the summer of going into Grade 5. I was at my Dad's house in Vancouver, and the phone rang. I picked it up, and my mom said "You want to sit down for this." When I sat, she told me one of the Gronning boys (there were four brothers) had died. And I fucking remember thinking "Not Chris. Not Chris." (my crush.) My real friend though, was his younger brother, Richard, who was my age. The silly boy who chewed on his shirts, till they were threads of fabric, who loved video games, and who hated to read. The complete opposite of me, but we got along. Our whole elementary school class got along, and were always friends. 

 Indeed, it was Richard, and to this day, I get mad at myself for thinking what I did. I loved Richard way more than I did Chris. I didn't even know Chris that well. The days following that I was in complete shock. Funeral, viewing- I couldn't go and see him. I remember  going into the first day of Grade 5 and having our teacher say to us "I'm so sorry for your loss," and Vanessa running out of the room, a bunch of us following her and having a group hug in the bathroom. 

Grief is a funny thing. It rides a course. And while I'm over his death, I miss him. It's as simple as that.

 
 
Current Mood: sad
 
 
writer_tbfc
29 February 2008 @ 10:36 pm
When I think to my life throughout high school, and think about my life now, I've gone through many changes, changes that I never thought would happen to me. I mean, who really thinks about change? Not me. I dislike change, for the most part. But face it, it's inevetible. And right now, this is good change.

I was looking through my facebook page, and realised that I see one friend from high school on a regular basis, and talk to a few still and see them occasionally. It actually shocked me how few friends from high school I still have today. Though, I have to admit, it was only until Grade 12 when I really "found myself" and really, really, really, enjoyed school. The years in-between.. there were good classes, but I grew tired of the cliques, especially because I was never one of the "popular" girls. Thank goodness. But in Grade 8, I remember yearning for it.

Anyways, that was a digression.

College seems to have made up for it. I feel very "popular" but not in the sense of the word.. I just mean I have many friends. Close friends who I can't picture my life without know. I'm so greatful for them. Enough mushiness.

But yes, change. While not always pleasant, sometimes it can be for the better.
 
 
Current Mood: content
 
 
writer_tbfc
28 February 2008 @ 12:47 pm
 
"Safety concern prompts closure of Douglas College's Coquitlam Campus on Friday, February 29


Coquitlam RCMP are investigating a specific threat centred on the David Lam Campus of Douglas College, located on Pinetree Way just north of Coquitlam Centre.

Douglas College was made aware of the threat yesterday, February 27 and College administrators have been working closely with investigators as the investigation continues. Investigators have requested that the College not divulge any details about the source, nature, or target of the threat.

As a precautionary measure, the College has decided to close the David Lam Campus as of 11pm Thursday, February 28 and all day on Friday, February 29. All classes, events and services scheduled for February 29 are cancelled, and all students and staff are directed to stay away from the campus. Safety of students and employees was the primary concern in making this decision.

Students and employees will be kept up-to-date on the situation through email, and information will be posted on the College website. Information will also be provided on the College information line at 604 527-5452."


 

**


Wow, what do you make of that? Even though I don't go to David Lam, it's still very unsettling.  :(
I hope nothing happens.
 
 
Current Mood: anxious
 
 
writer_tbfc
26 February 2008 @ 01:25 pm

This *really* bugs me. I was just reading an article yesterday saying that Jennifer Garner was deemed "fat" by one magazine. She ended up putting in a complaint to said magazine, and got an apology. Damn straight. What is it with hollywood and their obsession to be thin? Jennifer Garner is not fat! Brittany Spears wasn't fat when she was called that-- and she was coming out of her second pregnancy.

People wonder how others get eating disorders. This is how it happens. And it's so sad. I was watching "Dr.Phil" yesterday about this girl that was 60 pounds, and still thought herself fat. It was disgusting. I couldn't even watch.  Whatever happened to loving people for who they are? Luckily I have wonderful family and friends who love me for the way I am, but not everyone is so lucky. So please, people, think before you say something you'll regret.

 
 
writer_tbfc
25 February 2008 @ 10:45 pm
Relationships are funny things aren't they? I mean, they make us who we are. They make us, and can sometimes break us as well. It's all a process. This past month, or couple of months, I've been expierencing some from both sides.

The Good:

-K and I have gotten closer. She's an amazing, inspiring person. And who ever thought I'd befriend a former teacher? But she's cool, she's young, she's wise, and she's got a heart of gold. I love our chats in Starbucks, and for her to tell me over a recent friend split-up, "It's his loss."

-My college girls (Darcy, Cam, Meg, Taylor, Sarah G, Aly, and a few others) have really become close,good, friends and I'm so greatful to have them. They make my classes even better than would normally be! They reinforce to me that I am valuable, and awesome, and all sorts of other wonderful things. It's great even just talking to them, or having coffee, or hanging out in the Cafeteria. Woot for college friends.

- Seeing Christie next weekend! I love it because no matter how long it's been since we've seen eachother, nothing changes. We're still as close as we once were. She's definately a kindred spirit. <3

The Bad:

-I lost a close friend a few weeks ago. Well, I guess close is an understatement. I thought we were close, he didn't. He wanted to end it, so I did. I mean,as much as I hate it, I get the drifting away from your friend thing.. but to not talk to me about it? To finally admit, after I asked, that we "didn't connect"? And to do it over Facebook? How insincere. That part stings. A lot.

-It's hard talking to my "baby sister" again. As much as I love her, and as much as I want to help her, sometimes I wonder if I can? All I can do is hope, I guess. Those five years really strained us though.. and all I can do is hope that things can partially return to the way they were before. And be there for her. And I'll wait. But I hate seeing people go through bad things.
 
 
Current Mood: hopeful
 
 
 
 

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